Where in the World has Carmen Sandiago Been?

Carmen Sandiego today, December 12, 2007

Carmen Sandiego sometime in 1940

Where in the World Has Carmen Sandiego Been? (AP) Somewhere in the World - The secret is out about Carmen Sandiego. Sometime in 1940 she posed for a Venereal Disease Public Service Announcement poster for an unknown organization. She makes no apologies. "It was 1940 during World War II, money was tight and someone had to educate our men in uniform about safe sex. Back then there was no safe sex campaigns and it was hard to get the word out. I did what I felt I had to do."

Many parent advocacy and religious groups are now calling for a ban on the popular Carmen Sandiego children's computer games where children learn geography by finding the ellusive Carmen Sandiego. "Obviously, she is teaching kids more than geography." One parent from Florida told us.

Others claim that various venereal disease were in fact propagated further by Ms. Sandiego as she has traveled the globe. "Why else would she be a previous poster child for VD prevention? We have to learn from others mistakes where we don't make them ourselves."

Some people are more forgiving and feel that Carmen has learned her lesson and changed her ways. "Everyone has that time where they feel the need to sow their wild oats. She's come around, has redeemed herself and is now teaching children. Who cares what she did in the past?"

Only time will tell if Carmen Sandiego will withstand the criticism of the media and stay around or if she will end up going the same way as childrens icon Pee Wee Herman.

Save the Dust Bunny

They live quietly among us, but does anyone really know what dust bunnies do when we aren't watching? Everyone acts surprised when they move the refrigerator or the bed and find a herd of dust bunnies. Just because they have been living there for weeks, or maybe months, proliferating, doesn't mean that they suddenly need to be relocated, or worse yet, sucked up into the vacuum and sent to an early death. Granted, it's annoying when one finds it's way to a ceiling fan blade and decides to go hand gliding from it. Face it, dust bunnies are not the best hand gliders, mostly because 99% of the time they forget the glider. They are light enough to be carried by a gentle breeze, but indoors, with just ceiling fan circulation, dust bunnies do not go far. They usually end up in precarious situations, like in a glass of root beer or sucked into a computer fan where they can do damage. You know what happens when an airplane sucks up a bird? The same thing happens when a computer sucks up a dust bunny. It's not good for anyone involved. Dust bunnies don't require much care, they are quiet, they don't pee on your bed and they don't bark when the neighbors come to visit. The worst thing that you have to worry about with any dust bunny herd that is living in your house is that they are a carrier of the dust mite. Cats and dogs have fleas, dust bunnies have dust mites.

The big question has always been, what happens when dust bunnies fall into the wrong crowd and go bad? Yes, dust bunnies can go bad and get out of control, much like a teenager. It usually starts with cat or dog dander abuse. Humans have cocaine, dust bunnies have animal dander. These dust bunnies also turn to a life of crime, stealing small things throughout the house, pennies, pens, magnets and if they are in way over their heads, bottle caps. It is rumored that the Dust Bunny Mafia only deals in bottle caps.

The sad reality is that these bunnies can not be rehabilitated. There is no known treatment to help a dander addicted bunny, and as all dust bunnies know, dander is the gateway to harder things like the various molds that sometimes grow under the fridge. Another problem that plagues dust bunnies is that their natural habitat is being destroyed at astonishing rates. Vacuums, dusters and brooms are just a few of the items responsible for this tragedy. The bottom line is this, only you can keep help dust bunnies by providing them with a proper environment and shelter, love and neutering to prevent dust bunny over population. The Society for the Prevention and Cruelty to Dust Bunnies estimates that around 100,000,000 dust bunnies are needlessly killed every year and a million more are left to a life of homelessness. Do you want the dust bunny to become the next endangered or extinct species?

Mr. Men for 2008

I want to know what in the hell Cartoon Network was thinking when they created their new show, The Mr. Men Show. Three of my children were sitting in front of the TV watching it. I am going to have to administer IQ tests now to make sure they didn't loose any IQ points. I felt at least ten of mine run for the hills after being subjected to five minutes of the show. What is really worrying me is that this show came into being because of the writers strike. Cartoon Network needed something to air and being without writers they turned to the janitors, and since none of them could draw, they decided to go with Mr. Men. After all, they are nothing but blobs with legs and arms as you can by Mr. Happy.

I want to believe that is what happened, otherwise it proves my original theory true that cartoons are designed and developed with the sole intention of annoying parents as much as possible. I did ask my kids why they were watching the show and I was told "There is nothing good on TV." Usually when that happens they will either put in a DVD, play the PS2 or find something else to do. They don't normally sit in front of the TV and watch whatever just happens to be on. That can only mean one of three things, they either like the show, they are fascinated by train wrecks, or they are trying to make me insane. I vote for the third because my kids are just like that. Personally, if Cartoon Network wants to improve the show and ensure a long run they should incorporate the following little known and forgotten about characters:

I think that Miss PMS and Miss BiPolar should also be introduced along with Mr. Pimp and Mr. Emo. You can't have a show about personality traits without these additional characters. Especially Mr. Emo. I realize that the Mr. Men characters have been around for almost forever, but in order to make it modern and appeal to todays kids they really need to be updated. What better way to do that than with Mr. Emo and his sister Miss. ADHD?

CSI: Neverland

It's been a long time coming but finally Crime Scene Investigators are checking out

Neverland Ranch. For years strange stories have come out of Michael Jacksons private sanctuary involving a twisted chimp fetish and highly questionable pajama parties where Jesus Juice was often served alongside the cookies and milk.

To everyones concern, Michael Jackson has vanished out of the ever watchful eye of the media leaving behind a single sequined glove. "At least when he was in the media constantly we knew what he was up to and where he was. Now we just don't know." The head of the CSI Pedophile Unit told the press. "We must find out what happened to Michael Jackson."

Join the members of CSI: Neverland as they go in search of Michael Jackson.